Letters...

J

I woke up around 11.30 sabi ko wala na baby ko d2 sa pinas probably nasa Japan na sila. I felt sad pero sabi ko he'll be back. 2 months, mabilis lang yun kaya ayaw ko masyado isipin. I cant even imagine na hindi na muna tayo magkikita kasi sobrang demanding ko pa naman sa time... ayan sinasabi ko na sayo kasi ganun talaga ako, eh ngaun pa na almost 2 months tayo hindi magkikita... papatayin ako nun sa lungkot.

It's just a phase and after a month and a half, d2 ka na ulit sa akin. i cant wait to see you again baby. i know, at times, ive been a head ache pero kasi ganun ako maglambing makulit. mejo demnding but am trying to control an so far i've been doing good.

alam mo, mejo nagugulat ako sa sarili ko kasi i dont normally write emails pero am doint this kasi gusto ko malaman mo how happy i am and thankful na ikaw ang naging ka partner ko. i could not ask for more and i will never fail you my baby.

I hope makapag reply ka d2 sa email ko kasi i wanna know ur thoughts and feelings now we're apart.

I'll start looking a part time job lang kasi gusto ko when u get back fly naman na tayo sa Dubai. pero while ur there, ako naman magpapaganda ng katawan para hindi mo na ako iiwan.

Baby, please take good care of ur self ah, wag ka m pababayaan sarili mo. always remember na there's this one Mike waiting for you to be back.

I LOVE U SO MUCH BABY KO!

M

++++++++++

J

It's been 2 days already pero wala ka pa din paramdam. i hope ur doing ok in Japan. I just hope na within the day makatangap naman ako ng call from u na ok ka jan and na mimiss mo na ako.

I cried last night. para akong bata kasi humahagulgol ako sa iyak kasi nd ko na naririnig boses mo... hayz... mahirap talaga kapag ikaw ang iniwan. wala pa ako makausap regarding my feelings. like what ive told you, this is really difficult para sa akin kasi thru email lang kita makakausap and obviously, wala ka pa din reply. am not losing hope kasi i know you'll be back after 1 month. 1 month ha.

alam mo, am starting to look for a part time work para makapag ipon. i already emailed my friend in Dubai para matulungan nya tayo.

baby, i hope to hear from you soon. i just wanna know if you're ok. basta ayaw ko na muna mag isip ng kung anu-ano. mahal na mahal po kita. hinding hindi magbabago yun. kahit nasaan ka pa sa mundo, nag iisa lang ako na mag mamahal sayo ng sobra sobra... wala ka na makikita na kagaya ko kaya sana po balik ka na agad ah.

I LOVE U SO MUCH!

M

++++++++++

J

Kahapon for the 1st time you called and it was unexpected. i was so happy to hear ur voice kasi miss na miss na po kita sobra.

Kanina before ako pumunta sa interview ko sa sykes, I found our ticket sa Maribago.. nlungkot nanaman ako kasi naalala kita.

Mahal na mahal po kita. Hindi ko kaya na mawala ka sa buhay ko, ngayon pa na ive planned my life kasama ka. I can't wait to see you again baby. ikaw lang ang iniisip ko palagi kaya wala ako bukambibig kay Tess atsaka sa mga kaibigan ko.. ikaw lang.

Basta, you'll be back and promise ko pag balik mo i'll be a better partner para nd mo ako iwan.

I LOVE U BABY... TAKE CARE!

M


++++++++++


J

Today is our monthsarry and am so happy kasi we've reached our 3rd month already. Btw, i might start with my new employer by next week. i just spoke with the HR Manager and i will have to come over sa office within the week.

Sana makabalik ka na agad d2 sa pinas para nd na ako nalulungkot. Am just trying to be busy para nd ako palagi nagmumukmok d2 sa bahay. When you get back, i promise, nd na kita pakakawalan. magkamatayan na. hehehe.. mahal na mahal po kasi kita baby...

Basta ingat ka po lagi jan. Happy monthsarry kahit alam ko na nd mo naman ito mababasa.

I LOVE U SO MUCH!

M

++++++++++


J

alam mo ba, i retracted my offer with RCG kasi may bond, eh hindi ba aalis na tayo early next year? so i decided to continue my application with IBM and Headstrong at least pwde ako umalis anytime without hassle.

Last night, i prayed to God na sana bigyan nya ako ng magandang outlook in this situation kasi I always think of you and everything I do is for the 2 of us. Bigla ko naisip na i can look for a better job tapos kahit contractual para makapag ipon ako for my plane and visa application. ikaw kasi wala ka na problema kasi u have the money already, pero sabi kasi ng friend ko na nasa dubai, i can already look for an employer who can pay for all of my needs pagpunta ko sa dubai. at least wala ko gagastusin, pero gusto ko pupunta tayo dun start from scratch para pagtutulungan natin. para may masasabi tayo na pinaghirapan natin pareho.

alam mo baby, at least 60k ok na daw tayo so 120k tayong dalawa.

alam mo, naiisnis talaga ako kasi palagi kita namimiss... sobra na kita miss.. u have no idea how much i love u. ngaun ko din narealize na hindi kita kaya mawala. sobra ang pagmamahal ko sau kahit 3 months pa lang tayo.. it feels like we've been together for years and ive known u since eternity. hanep talaga ako umibig lahat gagawin ko... sometime, i feel surprised abt myself kasi ganito na ako mag isip.. i always think of you and everything should be aligned with our plans.


kagabi din, i just realized na i only have one dream... and that is to be with you forever. no matter what it takes.. kakayanin ko... basta ikaw lang kasama ko. alam mo, naisip ko, when we get to dubai, what's next? am so excited to know what's next for us. i cant even imagine myself writing to you like this.. am so happy lang kasi someone's loving me and ganun din ako sa kanya... sobra po kitang mahal.

Thank you baby for loving me and i wanna spend the rest of my life with you. totoo po yun.. alam yun ni lord. kasi he knows what's inside my heart and so far, he's been so good to me.

Uwi ka na po baby... kasi miss na miss na po kita..

I LOVE U SO MUCH!

M

++++++++++


J


I felt so sad today kasi i was trying to call you pero u didnt answer my calls tapos u didnt even call me today... hay... pero ok lang kasi i know ur busy and baka wala ka na load.

Well, may bukas pa naman and am sure tatawag ka kasi nd mo ako matitiis...

basta.. i miss you so much...

I LOVE U BABY!

M


++++++++++


J

Kaw bad ka ah... wala ka paramdam. pero buti na lang i called you kagabi kasi nd talaga ako mapakali. kung sino sino nanaman ang pinag kakausap ko kung bakit ganun bakit ganito... pero my instinc is never wrong... wala ka lang load. sabi nga ni tess baka busy ka lang daw... pero tanong ko saan naman busy yun? hehehe...

in other words, sobrang busy lang talaga kita. i can never imagine myself na wala ka sa tabi ko... to be honest, this is killing me pero sabi ko babalik ka din naman...and pagbalik mo, promise ko sa sarili ko na hinding hindi na kita pakakawalan.

kung aalis ka, edi aalis din ako... sasama na ako sau. kung hindi, magkamatayan natayo... ganun kasi kita kamahal... baka sabihin mo nambobola nanaman ako...

for the past few nights, i've tried to control myself not to cry but the moment i see all the stuff that reminds you... ayun iiyaka na ako na parang bata. hayz... sabi ko nga miss mo din kaya ako? pero alam ko naman na palagi mo din ako napapanaginipan kaya alam ko na miss mo din ako.

baby, mahal na mahal po kita. i would never ever leave you alone. kahit ano pa ang mangyari... i've committed to only one person at ikaw you...JC Molina. kahit dumating tayo sa point na sawang sawa ka na sa akin.. i would undestand, pero nd pa din kita iiwan kasi that's wat we call committment. we're now a family kasi we're already planning for our future and that's what am looking forward in this relationship.

I love you baby... sana nababasa mo lahat ng email ko noh.

M

++++++++++

J

i had a good time when i went to zambales last week, kasama ko din si nanay kasi it was meant for teachers pero pwde naman sila magsama. i met new friends na teachers din tapos may mga gurls na nagpaparamdam dun, pero nd nila alam taken na ako... si JC Molina kaya ang asawa ko.

We stayed there for 3 days tapos ang dami naming activities. sobrang saya tapos ang ganda pa ng surroundings kasi pulos bundok kaya nd mo maiisip yung pressure ng manila kasi sobrang peaceful ang lugar tapos sagana kami sa pagkain.

regading sa games, sobrang hihrap pero halos lahat sinalihan ko kasi ako yung pinaka malaki dun. may mga lalaki pero yung iba bading naman nd makapag buhat... hehehe...

sabi ko nga isasama kita dun baby next year. mag youth camp tayo... kasi yung iba kong naging kaibigan dun sasama din daw next year tapos sabi ko sasama ko asawa ko na pogi...

pero ang pinaka iintay ko dun yung tawag mo pa din... palagi nakakabit yung phone ko sa katawan ko kasi alam ko tatawag ka. tapos naiinis ako kasi nd kita marinig kapag ikaw na tatawag. pero masaya naman ako kasi nung ako tumawag nakausap na kita. alam mo baby, makausap lang kita kahit sandali ok na sa akin yun kasi nd mo alam kung gaano ka importante ang pagnarinig ko na ang boses mo para sa akin. you might find it so corny pero ganun ang nararamdaman ko para sau baby.

always remember that i love you so much.

M


++++++++++


J

on our 5th month i hope you've finally come home. miss na miss na po kita sobra pero nilalabanan ko yung lungkot kasi kailangan nating magkalayo for the mean time. buti kapa you're enjoying your stay there in Japan samantalang ako sa bahay lang pero am so happy kasi i know behave ka naman jan.

Si tess umuwi sa province nila kaya wala ako masyado nakakasap d2. pero am doing good kasi madalas ako tulog. pero alam ko na kung anong oras ka tatawag kaya mga around 8pm manila time, nag aabang na ako ng tawag mo. minsan sa totoo lang, naiinis ako kapag wala kag tawag, pero ok lang kasi alam ko naman na mahal ang call card jan tapos minsan nd pa kayo magkaintindihan ng mga hapon jan... hehehe...

pero alam mo, kapag narinig ko na boses mo, sobrang saya ko na. kahit minsan ayaw mo sagutin tawag ko. pero sana baby sinasagot mo pa din kasi ibig sabihin lang nun mss na miss lang kita talaga.

minsan nga, sinsasama ako ni don punta daw kami malate kasi may black party.. sabi ko nd pwede kasi magagalit asawa ko. ayaw ko mawala asawa ko dahil lang lumabas ako isang gabi. alam mo sabi nya, ang swerte mo daw sa akin kasi hindi ka na daw makakahanap ng isang kagaya ko. sobrang matiisin tapos mahal na mahal ka.

i just hope na sana uwi ka na agad para we could start planning for our trip. alam mo baby, ive asked a lot of people already sa pag punta natin sa dubai, pero syempre ang alam nila ako lang muna pupunta nd nila alam kasma ko asawa ko. pero i dont care kung ano iisipin nila kasi alam mo baby, kapag kasma kita nd ko na iniisip mga sasabihin nila. nd ako natatakot kasi alam ko nd mo din ako pababayaan diba?

mejo nagiging emotianal ako baby kapag naiisip ko yung mga pwde mangyari sa ating 2. mapa negative or positive. pero am looking forward sa positive things kasi i prayed to the lord na maging maayos lahat ng bagay sa ating 2. i hope mag pray ka din gabi gabi kay lord para maging matibay relasyon nating 2.

mahal na mahal po kita baby. never po kita iiwan. sige na po baby... i need to prepare na kasi aalis na kami ni nanay punta kami sa cemetery.. mag aayos kami ng mga bulaklak.

Mahal na Mahal po kita

M


++++++++++


J

If you really love someone, i believe that you should stand by him. not because you committed yourself to him or that he expects you to keep your word, but because you honestly believe that you do. Love really at first is always exciting. it makes you look forward to tomorrow and makes you joyful every moment. but it should also be secured and that it should always honest. THOUGH ACTIONS MAY SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS WE ALL STILL NEED THAT VERBAL REASSURANCE THAT IT’S THERE. AND EVEN IF IT HAS BEEN SPOKEN, WE’D NEED TO HEAR IT EVERY NOW AND THEN. Sometimes we fall and find ourselves in a position where it is not secured nor everlasting. But because we believe that what we feel is sincere and real enough, we would live love on what it has to offer for today hoping that things wouldn’t have changed for the inevitable tomorrow. to people like us to which it seems love is not meant to be, we stubbornly give love every chance we get hoping it would be our happy ever after.

- Dr. Yang of Grey's Anatomy

M

++++++++++


J

alam mo i woke up this morning with tears in my eyes kasi i dreamed abt you.

here's the story, i went to japan daw kasi sobrang miss na kita talaga. tapos you gave me a notebook tapos ang sweet sweet mo dun pa lang naiiyak na ako kasi na feel ko na mahal na mahal mo din ako. then one day we went somewhere kaw pa nga nag drive para magpapalit ng pesos sa yen, tapos may kasama ka pa nga na isang guy na sumama sa atin na marunong mag hapon. tapos we went to a place na may nakakakilala sayo. may isang gurl dun na naghihimutok tapos nilapitan mo daw sya tapos kiniss mo sya.. ako naman... umalis ako bigla .. nag walk out tapos umiiyak na daw ako kasi niloko mo daw ako. i this she's ur gurl friend sa japan. i could still remember young scene na yun kasi gabi na yun tapos nd ko alam kung saan ako pupunta kasi am not familiar with japan. umiiyak talaga ako that night kasi i never thought na gagawin mo yun. but it was a dream lang baby. i woke up na malungkot. aaminin ko am quite worried na baka may ma meet ka jan one day tapos bigla ka ma fall sa kanya.

i want you to know baby na i love you so much. siguro palagi lang kita naiisip kaya ako nakakapanaginip ng mga ganun. basta wag mo po ako pag iisipan ng masama d2 kasi never po kita lolokohin. i promise to you na ikaw na lang mamahalin ko. i always pray to the lord na maging matatag ako para sa ating dalawa.

I love you baby.

M


++++++++++






J

today is my first day at work and so far am doing all the getting to know process and some major adjustments. pero ok lang kasi mukhang mag eenjoy naman ko d2 kasi maganda naman yung culture ng company. I just hope na walang maangas d2 katulad sa HP.

Musta ka naman na jan baby? alam mo, nd ko namamalayan malapit na pala kita makita. kasi december na in 3 weeks time. bilis diba? sana excited ka na uuwi ka na d2 para magkita tayo ulit kasi alam mo miss na miss na kita sobra.

i am hoping to make a mark here at pointwest kasi maganda background ko from HP. I wanna a leader here para makita nila na am a good example. basta i will do my best para sa atin to baby. tandaan mo po na lahat ng ito ginagawa ko kasi alam ko makakatulong ito para maging maganda future natin.

I love you baby

M


++++++++++


J


yesterday, i was browsing meebo chat logs and to my surprise, all conversations we've had in the past is being documented... hehehe kaya nabasa ko how naughty you are. ikaw ah... ikaw si mahilig sa sex... naku... tsk tsk... per buti na lang tumawag ka kagabi kasi sobrang miss na po kita. alam mo, prinint ko yung blog mo... kasi i wanna know more of you. i wanna know how passionate are you when it comes to loving someone. with that, mas mamahalin kita kasi nakita ko na ikaw yung tao kaya ako ipagtanggol at mapapanindigan ang pagmamahalanan natin.

after this, i will post everything i wrote from day 1 u left for japan so you'll be able to read. mahal na mahal po kita, am so sorry minsan kung makulit ajko sau kasi gusto lang naman kita palagi kausap o palagi kasama. alam mo, ako yung tao na nd marunong mag sawa. katulad ng sinabi mo na kahit araw araw mo pa sabihin kay jun na mahal mo sya hanggang wala ka na boses kaya ko din gawin kasi ganun ang feelings ko sau. i know this relationship will grow kasi nd natin pababayaan isat isa.

just hold on to our love baby. please always remember na and2 lang ako para sau.

Mahal na mahal po kita.. kahit araw-araw ko sabihin sayo how muc i love you till i lose my voice.. just to let you know how much i love you.

M


++++++++++


J


Alam mo baby, i am so excited kasi i just have to wait for like 3 more weeks na lang and you're back. ive been thinking of you almost every single minute of the day, wishing you were here. pero all i can think of is your promise that you'll be back and am holding on to that. before, a week after u left manila, i was so down.. alam mo naman siguro yun kasi u felt it. i even mentioned to you na para akong bata at times na mag p-pray ako kay lord na sana makayanan natin lahat ng pagsubok sa ating relasyon. whenever i do that, i always cry.

ngaun, sobrang happy ako kasi malapit na mag pasko tapos am so excited kasi sa plans natin. i hope wag ka po mag sawa kasi never po ako mag sasawa na mahalin ka ng mahabang panahon... totoo po yun at kaya ko yun panindigan.

mahal na mahal po kita. always remember that.

M

++++++++

J

its 1.34am (manila time) and I couldn't sleep bec ive been thinkin of you. ive been thinkin if you have thought of this very special day of ours. ive been thinkin if you always think of me. ive been thinkin to call you kanina but my service got discon so it'll resume later this afternoon pa. i'm missing you so bad. so definitely i will call you and i wanna have a long conversation with you kasi i miss you a lot.

pero my mind is telling me that 3 weeks na lang and2 na si mokong tapos ma huhug ko na sya ulit. sobrang miss ko na yung hug nun eh pati yung paglalambing nya kasi sobrang sweet nun. i could still remember you watch me eat and give u that smile on ur face.. i could never forget that. i love u so much and i will never ever leave u. makikita mo.

what am afraid now, is baka sabihin mo na hindi ka muna makakabalik for some reasons. ay naku... pupunta talaga ako jan. kahit magbenta ako ng katawan para lang maka-punta jan gagawin ko. tapos kakaladkarin kita pabalik ng pinas... bad ko noh? pero wag naman po sana lord, kasi gagawin ko talaga yun. tapos you'll gonna hate me 4ever. ang sad naman nun. pero ok ang importante napadama ko sau kung gaano ka ka-importante sa akin.

alam mo, sa youtube, i saw a vid of sonia's garden... sobrang naalala nanaman kita. hayz... umuwi ka na kasi d2 baby... ayayaw na ayaw ko talaga ang long distance eh... kasi madali ako malungkot... tapos palagi pa kita naiisip.. walang panahon na hindi kita naiisip. ewan ko ba... ano ba pinakain mo sa akin mr molina.

basta, uwi ka na d2 1st week of december, i'll take ur word for it. mahal na mahal po kita.

M


++++++++++


J

the last time you called i was so pissed off. sobra pero sabi ko ganun talaga and i have to understand. i love you so much kaya i cant help but to cry. i called tess right away, she's the only person i know i can talk to and entrust all my worries. sabi nga nya ok lang yun at least uuwi ka daw. pero i still have some doubts na baka nd ka talaga umuwi this december. baka nd ko na alam gagawin ko if that happens.

from the very beginning, ayaw ko talaga ng long-distance relationship. it never worked and will never work. sabi ko pwede ako makatiis ng 2 months pero more than 2 months, its gonna be a torture. please jc dont make this difficult for me. everyday, i always think of you wala sigurong sigundo na nd kita naiisip lalo na ngaun na walang kasiguruhan ang pag uwi mo. sometimes, i would stop from work and think kung uuwi ka pa ba talaga sa akin. i know your visa is for 3 months pero like you've said pwde ka ma extend. natatakot ako na baka mawala ka sa buhay ko jc. pero why should i worry, i have you and you'll never fail me diba?

while doing this email, my heart is in pain kasi wala ako pinag hahawakan kung kelan ka babalik. i just want is a confirmation kung kelan ka uuwi. madami ako naiisip ngaun baby sobra, my mind is crazy bec of you. ngaun na lang ako nagkaganito pero i think ngaun lang ako naging crazy sa isang tao. am not like this pero ganun siguro talaga kapag sobrang mahal mo. ayaw mo sya mawala kahit ano ang mangyari. tapos gagawin mo lahat para nd mag fail yung relationship.

baby, please promise me na babalik ka na 3rd week of december yun lang ang gusto ko marinig from you. i love you so much.

M


++++++++++


J

i hope its official that you'll be back on xmas day. ive been waiting since the 6th pa kasi that was ur first commitment, but its ok. i totally understood the reason. however, u can never blame me for being so makulit kasi i miss you so much. you have no idea how crazy i am to see you again.

last night i called you, kasi nd kita matiis. to be honest, i want you to feel na special ka sa akin kahit malayo ka. i think am baing self less bec i am loving somebody so true. i even dreamt about you. alam mo ba kung ano yung dream ko ---- andito ka daw sa bahay namin sa paco tapos mahal na mahal ka din ng pamilya ko kasi alam nila ikaw ang nagpapasaya sa akin. i cried sa dream ko kasi sobrang happy ako. sobrang compelete na ako. sabi ko naman, ang dream ko ngaun, matupad ang mga pangarap mo sa buhay. tutulungan kita baby to achieve your dreams in life. i would like to be an instrument for you to achieve your dreams.

I wanna be with you forever baby. am just afraid na mawala ka sa akin kasi sobrang emotionally attached na ako sau baby. sobra. palagi na nga kita napapanaginipan eh. basta i cant get you off my mind as in everyday. and that's the truth. you can even open my head through an operation procedure para makita mo kung ano talaga ang nasa isip ko. ikaw lang JC Canja Molina wala ng iba.

When you get back, we will celebrate. i want you to know how fortunate i am kasi anjan ka sa puso ko. ikaw lang laman ng puso ko. and please wag mo sana sya sasaktan kasi ikaw lang din ang pwde makasakit sa kanya. isa lang po ang puso ko. yung nag iisang puso na yan pagmamay ari mo pa.

I love you baby.

M

++++++++++

J


Do you have any idea how it feels everytime i run out of credit because i woudn't be able to call you?
Do you have any idea how it feels everytime i see a red car toyota echo type on the streets?
Do you have any idea how it feels everytime my phone rings and on the screen, it's just a private number?
Do you have any idea how it feels everytime i hear your voice even for just a minute?
Do you have any idea how it feels everytime i pass by philcoa?
Do you have any idea how it feels everytime i see a convergys signage on the streets?
Do you have any idea how it feels everytime a friend would ask how is my partner? did he come back already?
Do you have any idea how it feels everytime i get to hear "I could not ask for more" by Edwin Mckaine?
Do you have any idea how it feels everytime i see your pic sa friendster?
Do you have any idea how it feels everytime i see our ticket to Maribago Beach Resort?
Do you have any idea how it feels everytime i think of Sonia's Garden? its beauty and the love that brought us together?


These are the things that makes me nuts and crazy. It's simply because, i am missing you so much. there is only one word that makes me hold on. Love.

I could list down a thousand of things but i know you also have your own "do you have any ideas" but these are true and i'm experiencing it right now, even on the 1st day you left the country. but you know what, it feels so good to know that you're finally coming back. my only worries is that, am i still the one you really love? o baka naman you've found somebody else? i have been thinking na baka you're in constant communication with someone else also special. sana wala naman kasi ive been getting premonitions and am so scared. am sorry baby pero am just being honest. am so scared na baka mawala ka na sa akin. but my love for you will keep me standing.

you wouldn't believe, pero am crying while writing this letter to you. i think its just me. am so weak everytime i talk about my love. am so weak everytime i think about you. my heart is only for you and i know this heart of mine only belongs to you baby. hindi ako marunong mambola kasi i wouldn't be able to write all these letters if am making bola. truthfully, am so damn in love with you. and i couldn't ask for more.

Mahal na mahal po kita. you're the only one who could break my weak heart.

M

++++++++++


J


thanks nga pala kasi it was our monthsarry and u waited for my missed call. ive been trying to call u kasi the whole day but of course u turned off ur phone. how is that? how would you want me to feel abt that? it was our monthsarry and wala ka man lang paramdam kahit isang minuto na sabihin na mahal mo pa rin ako o kaya naalala mo na monthsarry natin. kahit yun lang ok na pero wala insted u turned off ur phone. thats ok kasi kasama mo naman siguro si ate mo. pero sana wag mo ako papatayan ng phone kasi u have no idea how it feels kapag pinatayan ka ng phone ng pinaka mamahal mo sa buhay... it feels so bad. ngaun lang ako nag mahal ng ganito kaya ganito ako mag react. if am not like this, it only means i dont care. dahil ganito ako.. it only means na i care... i told you na i will be a better partner but i need you to be there para maipakita ko sau na am much better now.

am sorry but this me when i felt so neglected. and am sorry if am like this. pero promise ko sayo.. nd kita paiiyakin kahit kailan. kahit ako na lang ang umiyak, masaktan, kahit paulit ulit...wag lang ikaw. kasi nd ko kaya na makita na ikaw ang nasasaktan. ganyan kita kamahal jc.

M


++++++++++


J

after our conversation last night, i realized na pareho pala tayo ng pinag dadaanan. akala ko kasi ako lang ang parang baliw araw araw, akala ko ako lang yung nag iintay sa tawag mo kahit alam ko na hidni ka naman talaga tatawag pero iniintay pa rin kita.. alam mo yun. i think am just a crazy partner. simula ng naging tayo naging crazy na ako.. crazy ako sayo sobra. ive never been this crazy before not even to my longest relationship, kaya kapag iniwan mo ako... naku baka matuluyan talaga ako and my life will be useless. kawawa naman ako, mother ko na mahal na mahal ako, mga kapatid ko na umaasa sa akin, sa mga kaibigan ko na nag mamahal sa akin.. lahat yan pwde maapektohan magkamali ka lang. life is a cycle and i believe that everything is connected in this world.. ano daw?

and the most important part is the xmas day. for me, for this year, xmas day is not the 25. its the 26th kasi thats the time na uuwi ka na. u have no idea how happy and excited ako na makikita kita ulit. naku, baka ako lang ang excited. but anyways, am looking forward na ma hug kita ulit and ma kiss kita ng matindi.

hindi mo ba napapansin how much in love ako sa isang bata jan? ilang emails pa ba ang susulatin ko just to prove my love to you baby? this only means na ikaw lang ang laman ng isip ko. you might think na sobra naman ako magmahal na tipong patay na patay ako sau, to be honest, konti pa ang pinapakita ko sau. sobrang hindi ko pa na eexpress lahat lahat and thats what am gonna do. i wanna be the best partner for you. i wanna prove to ypu that am worth your love, that am worth your time, and am worth your trust.

i love you so much baby.. kahit 5 months pa lang tayo and some might say na baka sa simula lang tayo or ako, but i know pretty much myself and when i fall in love, i fall so deep and malas mo kasi sayo ako na in love... ikaw kasi nag txt txt ka pa sa akin, but you know what, i thank u for doing that. kasi that very moment when i was in la salle txting with u, my life was changed. and you're the reason why am so happy and content with my life.

I love you so much. alam mo, madami pa ako gusto sabihin, pero kasi baka nd ko na masabi yun kapag nagkita tayo. 1 week na lang kasi. tapos alam ko naman na hindi mo naman agad agad ma babasa emails ko pero i kept on sending messages kasi i know you'll be able to read them all pagbalik mo. sana nga lang talaga basahin mo kasi hindi ako talaga mahilig gumawa ng love letter. sayo ko lang nagagwa ito.. ewan ko ba.

mahal na mahal po kita baby. ikaw lang po ang mamahalin ko ng ganito.

M

++++++++++


J


finally, the time has come. i know this looks crazy kasi right at this very moment, you must be prapering yourself for your flight back to manila but am still writing a message as if matagal ka pa jan. may be sanay na kasi ako na gumagawa ng email para sayo. i had a dream last nigh. i dreamt of you. we were together daw tapos magka holding hands in public tapos we were kissing and you were so sweet. nd ko makalimutan yung dream na yon kasi that was my dream in real life-makasama ka habang buhay. you know what, ive been waiting for this very day to come. ive been thinking of you every single day. i always pray na sana you come home safe and still in love with me. like what ive told you, i'll try my very best to be the best partner you'll ever have and you will only have.

i'll see you later and i love you so much.

M

1st Year...

J....

I’ve created several drafts before I’ve come up with my final letter for you. As you know, am not used to writing letters and sending emails until we’ve met. Every time there’s something I want to share and tell you, I will put it into writing. I think, that’s where my passion in writing comes in, especially if am doing it for the right person, to the person I really love and to the person I really really love.

It’s been a year and we’re still together, standing. How amazing that a couple would last a year where in fact, relationships like what we have don’t last long. I could say that this is an achievement for the 2 of us, despite of all the things that have happened between the 2 of us, we were able to manage our expectations and our needs. I would like to commend you for being a great partner all these months. You’ve been so faithful and I know from my heart that you’ll always be. I know it’s tough to be in our situation since people look at it on a diff light but as long as we’re both happy, I don’t care. Because for me, the most important thing is just to be with you.

When I say I am passionate about our relationship, it means I can stay for you even if you don’t feel the same way. That is right, my love for you will be unconditional and it will last until my last breath. I know myself and from the fact that I am decided to take risks on my relationships, this time, I’m doing it, for us.

The decision to be in this relationship is very important for me because this is my life now. Well, I am happy what the heck and I will be happy as long as we’re together.

I love you so much baby and I hope and pray that up to the last tayo pa din. Happy anniversary baby.

M...

EX...

J....

I never thought that I would finally realize how much love you have for your ex until now. Don’t worry, am not mad. Am just confused because, I would like to be him but I will never be him. This is so funny, because I thought I have you. I think I never have or had you. All these time, we’ve been together but you always long for your ex’s warmth and attention.

Yes, I am jealous. Who wouldn’t be? Every time there’s a chance for you to talk about him, you’ll always bring him as a better partner. He’ll always come out as a superior being than anybody else. True? I bet you’ll say yes. He’s the best and no one will ever replace him to your heart. 2 months is equivalent to 20 years and 1 year is just a speck of a dust. I tried to replace him but I guess I can never do that. As long as you have all the things that remind you of him, you’ll never get over him. I already gave everything in this relationship and my efforts are not enough because there’s only one man that can make you happy.

Am not saying good bye, am not giving up on what we have even if you treat them nothing compared to what you had. If you’ll notice, I seldom talk about my ex bec I don’t have feelings for him anymore and I don’t want to hurt you in any way. But you always make me feel bad whenever you mention his name or how good he is as a partner. I know and I feel your efforts not to think of him but it shows in your eyes that you’re still longing for him. I envy him a lot because even if he’s not with you, your heart belongs to him and no one can ever change that, not even me. It hurts to accept the fact that am with you but you think of somebody else.

I decided to put everything in writing bec I don’t have the courage to say these things in front of you. I want you to understand how much I love you and if you gave everything to your ex, I’ve given more on this one. I’ve done extra mile I should say. It’s all because of you. I’ve never done anything like this and I know how you feel, suddenly neglected but since you still love the person you give a little hope that someday your path will cross and decide to be together for the rest of your lives. I now say to myself, maybe am just an instrument for you to realize what are the things you should prioritize, and when you’re ready, you can leave me anytime you want. But don’t worry, God is fair and am sure he has something for me.

The ball is with you. Sorry if am so “madrama” but I want clarity and you’re the only one who can give me that. I have to accept that life sometimes is unfair but that’s what you get when you decide to fall for someone. I chose you and I already thought of the things that might happen along our way.

Btw, I did not mention how much I love you. Let’s say, you’re my only home. without you, i’ll be homeless. I can go anywhere I go, but it wont be the same.

M

Dear J...

I wrote this letter for the very reason that I promised myself that somehow… in someway… one day… I am going to let you know how much love is within me. I guess I am not going to let the chance go by. I want you to understand how I feel, and I have no intention of making you feel the way I do. Let me start off by saying that the best way to anything or anyone is being able to let go. Some say that holding on will prove true love; I say if you really love someone… learn to say goodbye. After our dreadful night of our recently concluded relationship, I was never myself. I try to be the friendly and cheerful everyone knows, but deep inside me was nothing of that kind. My friends, maybe our friends, said that they admire me for being strong and courageous, but little do they know that everything was all pretenses and disguises. Underneath me was a torn, shattered and very broken heart. Every night I blame the world – and never get tired of it. Seeing your face was a lot torture for than a thousand knives stab in man’s body. The bleeding will take the life out of you in a few minutes, but with the kind of torture your face brings me… It cuts me into small pieces. And whenever I look into your eyes and beyond it, I shiver helplessly. Adding to the sorrow was the fact that I no longer see me in them. As if it will see no ending. It’s really been a hell of a time for me to get over the feel of your touch, the warmth of your lips, the gentleness of your embrace, the comfort of your words, the melody of our song, the world we called ours. Maybe the reason is I don’t really want to get over them. I intended to keep them locked inside my heart… as I have kept you there too. I NEVER WANT TO FORGET YOU. They say that forgetting someone means you loved that someone. I merely wanted to clear my mind for the meantime that I may stop hoping and waiting for all the things that could have been. It saddens me so much that I didn’t get the chance to tell you everything I wanted you to know (it’s mostly about a world I’m in and how much you are apart of that world). If I only knew I have more than two months to you, I would never left your side, every single day and night. I would have chained you close to me and never let you go. I would have told you I LOVE YOU over and over again, until I have no voice left to say any word (but even as I may have lost my voice, silence will speak for me). If only I had all the time in the world, I would spend them all beside you – loving you. But then again, you have left me with a grateful heart for all the things we did, big and small – they all made me love you even more. Just by remembering, the wonderful memories will surely calm my being in times of restlessness and sadness. Even as the hurt and lonely feelings will mock and haunt me forever. I know love shall rule over them. Moreover, you have made a stronger, better and more loving person out of me. My love has ended as you say goodbye, but I still have my faith to lose, and I know a new life awaits me. It was so hard at first, to admit the fact that your love has died. It made me think if you can even loved me at all. You can’t blame me for this sick and selfish thought. You told me you loved me. This moment prove otherwise. I can’t help but think if you’ve truly been in love, you wouldn’t have left me like this. But I too, can never blame you for everything that has happened. I accept love for all its mysteries. All I know is that you made me feel the extremities of its ways. WHERE THERE IS LOVE, PAIN AND HURT LIES, BUT AS ONE LOVES, THERE IS NEITHER PAIN NOR HURT; ONLY MORE LOVE. For longest times, I hoped for miracles of you coming back, to me (I never stopped hoping up to this very minute). Eventually, I realized that there are things that are meant to be and even as I do my very best to win you back, I would never have your love back. It’s not because I have no power over love… over you. Let me tell you one thing before you close your doors for me… EVER YOU FIND YOURSELF INLOVE WITH SOMEONE NEW, JUST MAKE SURE HE LOVES YOU THE WAY I DO AND EVEN MORE. Please know that I long for your happiness. Bear in mind that THE WAY TO LOVE IS TO REALIZE THAT IT MIGHT BE LOST (I learned that because I lost you). Learn to accept it and learn not to let every opportunity to be with him to pass you by. Love him completely as you would want to be loved. This is more than just a group of words and single white paper… my heart is in it. I know now that I could die a thousand deaths. I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH. Letting go is just another way of putting it. Goodbye. But it’s not forever; it’s just for now. I just hope we could still be good friends. Maybe that’s what we ought to be the first time around. I am not bemoaning for what I lost, I’m so grateful for what remains. We may have lost something along the way, but you and I can still give meaning to the word “friend”. I want to be honest in saying that a friendship, no matter how beautiful can never compensate for what was lost (and it certainly won’t make me miss you less). Goodbye. It’s just a cruel word, but it’s the only word that can never be kind to me now. Again, I know I'll be missing you.

Half crazy

half crazy
-freestyle

Know i havent slept a week at all
Since you’ve been gone
And my eyes are kinda tired
From crying all night long
Know i’ve never been too good at cooking just for one
It’s so lonely here without you darling
Come back home

’cause i’m half crazy
Feelin’ sorry for myself
Half crazy
Worried you’d find someone else to love

Know life hasnt been much fun at all
Since you’ve been gone
And my eyes being to feel
Each time i hear a sound
I spent every minute asking myself
What went wrong
Can’t we try to talk it over baby
Come back home

’cause i’m half crazy
Feelin’ sorry for myself
Half crazy
Worried you’d find someone else to love
But baby there is no-one else
Half crazy
For everything you saying
Half crazy
No one else could love you like i do

’cause i’m half crazy
Feelin’ sorry for myself
Half crazy
Worried you’d find someone else to love
But baby there is no-one else
Half crazy
For everything you saying
Half crazy
No one else could ever love you
No one else could ever be

Half crazy
Feelin’ sorry for myself
Half crazy
And i’m worried you’ll find someone else
Feelin’ sorry for myself
Half crazy....

someday

Someday, you'll gonna realize
One day, you'll see this through my eyes
But then I won't even be there
I'll be happy somewhere
Even if I can'tI know you don't really see my worth

You think you're the last guy on earth
Well, I've got news for you
I know I'm not that strong
But it won't take long, won't take yeah yeah

'Cause someday, someone's gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day, I'll forget about youYou'll see,
I won't even miss youSomeday, someday

But now, I know you can tell
I'm down and I'm not doin' well
But one day, these tears
They will all run dry
I won't have to cry sweet goodbye

moving on from a failed relationship is one of the hardest things in life.
you find ways just to divert yourself to other things and avoid being
stuck to the fact that you cant help wishing things are really ok with you.
you make yourself busy... have fun with friends.. see someone new and sometimes
even rearrange your life because you believe it really can help.

but the moment you go home and realized you're all alone in your room..
you find yourself missing that person. you reminisce everything you've been thru..
the laughters..the tears..the regrets.

sadly, you cry hard because you believe its the only to feel him/her again beside you.
but u cant move on in an instant. sometimes, it even takes a lifetime to do it.
so let tears flow...let time heal.. until you can really smile again and accept
that in time.

if you're really meant to be together, you'll both find yourselves standing again..
face to face..in one place...in one given moment...


*************

the things we do for love..

how we are always there when they need us
how we wait for them to call when they're not around
how we laugh at the siliest jokes and smile at the littlest compliments
how we try to make them laugh when they're sad
how we take care of everything they need
how we let them kiss us without asking
how we let them stay without knowing until when they're going to stay
how we hug them back so tightly as if we can keep them
how we stumble
how we fall

the things we do for love...its always, always not enough....

not a day goes by.....

Got a picture of you, I carry in my heart.. close my eyes to see it when the world gets dark.
Got a memory of you, I carry in my soul... I wrap it close around me when the nights get cold.

If you asked me how I'm doin', I'd say "Just fine," but the truth is baby, if you could read my mind...not a day goes by, that I don't think of you. After all this time you're still with me it's true. Somehow you remain locked so deep inside, baby... not a day goes by.

I still wait for the phone in the middle of the night, thinkin' you might call me if your dreams don't turn out right. And it still amazes me that I lie here in the dark, wishin' you were next to me, your head against my heart.

Minutes turn to hours, and the hours to days. Seems it's been forever that I've felt this way. Not a day goes by, that I don't think of you. After all this time you're still with me it's true. Somehow you remain locked so deep inside....yes.. not a day goes by.

end of the road

You know we belong together
I have no time for you to be playing with my heart like this
You'll be mine forever baby, you just see

We belong together
And you know that I'm right
Why do you play with my heart?
Why do you play with my mind?
Said we'd be forever
Said it'd never die
How could you love me and leave me
And never say goodbye

Well, I can't sleep at night without holding you tight
Eeach time I try I just break down and cry
Pain in my head oh I'd rather be dead
Spinnin' around and around

Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go,
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

I know you really love me,
You just don't realize
You've never been there before
It's only your first time
Maybe I'll forgive you, hmm
Maybe you'll try
We should be happy together forever, you and I
Can you love me again like you loved me before
This time I want you to love me much more
This time instead, just come to my bed
And baby just don't let me, don't let me down

Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go,
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

I'm here for you
All those times at night when you just hurt me
And just run out with that other fella
Baby I knew about it, I just didn't care
You just don't understand how much I love you do you?
I'm here for you
I'm not out to go out and cheat at night
Just like you did baby but that's all right
Huh, I love you anyway
And I'm still gonna be here for you 'till my dying day baby
Right now, I'm just in so much pain baby
Because you just won't come back to me
Will you, just come back to me

Yes baby my heart is lonely

My heart hurts baby

I feel pain too....Baby please

This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don't let me down

Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go,
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

"Love knows no reasons, love knows no lies, love defies all reasons, love has no eyes. But love is not blind...love sees, but it doesn't mind..."

The Reason  - Hoobastank

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I found a reason for me
To change who I use to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish I could take it all away
And me the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I found a reason for me
To change who I use to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I found a reason for me
To change who I use to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

"Sometimes when you hold out for everything, you walk away with
nothing."
---Ally McBeal

im sorry

sorry
 
Dear J.

I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in so long. I feel I've been lost. No bearings, no compass. I kept crashing into things, a little crazy I guess. I've never been lost before. You were my true north. I could always steer for home when you were my home. Forgive me for being so angry when you left. I still think some mistake's been made and I'm waiting for God to take it back. But I'm doing better now. My work helps me.

You came into my dream last night with that smile of yours that always held me like a lover, rocked me like a child. All I remember from the dream is a feeling of peace. I woke up with that feeling and tried to keep it alive as long as I could.

I'm writing to tell you that I'm on a journey toward that peace. And to tell you I'm sorry about so many things. I'm sorry I didn't take better care of you. I'm sorry I didn't try harder to find the words to tell you what I was feeling. I'm sorry I ever fought with you. I'm sorry I didn't apologize more. I was too proud. I'm sorry I didn't hold on to you with so much strength that even God couldn't pull you away.

All My Love.
J.

hopeless romantic

hopeless romantic
 
Yes, I am a hopeless romantic,
dreaming of love and passion that will come my
way,
I will continue to dream and hope,
until my true love comes to stay.

I see your smile and lovely eyes,
and all I can do is sigh.
Will you be the one I've dreamed of,
my soulmate, my love?

I only know that when I look at you
my heart soars and I smile,
I will take a chance on you.
And see our dreams come true.